Gentlemen, the endangered species -1

"One can judge a gentleman by how he behaves

at a dining or gambling table." --J. Antonio

Carrion, marketing mentor

EVERYBODY has a definition, an idea or a standard

to judge how a man qualifies for the exalted title of

"gentleman." Being considered a gentleman is an

honor, a gracious affirmation one cannot buy nor

arbitrarily attach to one's name or person at a

whim. Even the rich and powerful cannot stake a

claim to it. In Bacolod, I remember a common reply

when I ask what line of business a person is

engaged in: "He's a gentleman farmer."

The Philippine Military Academy is still top in my

book for producing "officers and gentlemen." But

some changes have to be made as "gentlemen"

would sound chauvinistic and the PMA has

graduated a number of female officers. I had the

occasion to dine in the officer's mess during a

video shoot. And the graduating cadet officers I

dined with at the commanding general's table had

impeccable manners, brilliant conversation and

more important, a very relaxed disposition.

Some gentlemen are portrayed with fictional magic

such as James Bond. With flawless manners and

devastating charm, the gentleman will kill with a

silencer or throw a female taekwondo expert to

bed.

Some men of state, gifted with a glib tongue,

come across as polished gentlemen of speech, but

fail as gentlemen in deed. But no matter what I

read or see on global TV, I do not buy the idea

that chivalry is dead.

Beautiful display

Every day, we come across beautiful displays of

gentle manners from men. Not necessary from old

men, as I have seen a number of young men

behave with princely grace and demeanor. The

simple act of being on time is good manners.

"Punctuality is the politeness of kings," as the

adage goes.

Yes, gentlemen happily abound in this day and

age, despite the many trying situations that deter

them from behaving well. As an avowed

people-watcher, I never fail to be amazed at the

infinite patience some men endure and display in

the face of ugly behavior.

Whenever I am inflicted with scenes of behavioral

atrocities, I simply take comfort in the personal

belief of divine retribution. Even if the oppressors

end up looking like the bigger fools that they are,

some gentlemen happily manage to retain their

dignity by reserving immediate comment or

retaliation. These shining moments convince me

further that gentlemanliness resides in the heart of

most men.

Men, after all, are the "stronger" of the sexes. Men

are the evolutionary providers, the hunters, the

breadwinners, the defenders, the heroes, the

adventurers, the conquerors and the role models.

The list goes on. And even in this age of gender

equality, where most of these titles may no longer

be politically correct nor accurate, men still

summon a special reverence because of their

irreplaceable roles, as fathers, sons, brothers,

grandfathers, uncles, ninong and mentors.

Unforgiving criticism

However, when a man's patience is severely tested

by bad manners, his reactions are often open to

severe and unforgiving criticism. His behavior is

labeled as "unbecoming of a gentleman." Suddenly,

he is judged as "heavy handed," "brutal," or even

"uncouth" or "beastly." The legendary patience of

Job is one for the books (the good book). We

haven't seen any contenders for that title since,

thank God!

Men reach a breaking point and snap when

provoked. Somehow more allowances are given to

women to display feelings and emotions.

A man to be emotionally expressive is to be

unmanly. Emotionally expressive men are regarded

as "sissies" or "bakla."

But times have changed. Men are now encouraged

to cry, to openly express their fears. Men are

encouraged by therapists to express, but not act

out anger. It's impossible for gentlemanly behavior

to be constant. It is rather a moment of action or

speech that shines brilliantly when put to the test.

I remember a commanding general relating to me

how the late Gen. Carlos P. Romulo parried an

obviously tactless remark from a lady who told him,

"If you're a general and yet so small, I can't

imagine how big your other officers are."

He countered, "Lady, if you're already so

fascinated with my size as a general, just wait

until you see my privates!"